Foreword

First things first. I’m not a writer.

No, I don’t count those hundreds of pages filled with ads for pecker pills, extenders, makeup, credit, insurance, and other miscellaneous drivel, as writing. That’s web marketing. The total goal of those pages is to fleece the sheep as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I must have been sleeping when they talked about English Lit. I’m pretty sure I was down at the Student Union playing pool the day composition was discussed. My total education in writing has come from reading the copy on the back of cereal boxes.

I write like I think. I write like I talk. All disjointed, dyslexic, unstructured, and with an annoying habit of drifting away from the subject.

So, if you’re an English instructor, or a writing purist, with a weak stomach, hit the green back arrow (or the X at the upper right) immediately.

Secondly: Yes, there is a lot of me in the character PM Spade. Once upon a time I was a violent man. It started with an introduction to the extreme fragility of human life as presented by the U.S. Military. The practical applications of the instruction came via an un-winnable war, in a far off country, a long time ago.

It doesn’t take a big gun or a sharp knife to snuff out a precious life. Most of the time the expiration is faster, and presumably less painful, when a deadly force of hand is applied to certain areas of the anatomy.

I also tend to have the broody moods portrayed by our hero. Introspection, accusation, regrets, and suspicion are part of my daily diet.

Other than that, I’m a happy-go-lucky sort. Even smiling. Sometimes.

There is a lot of me in some of the other characters as well. I suppose that’s only natural. After all, they are the figments of the gray cells in my otherwise unused brain case.

Most of the characters bear no likeness to me whatsoever. They are, however, very much like some folks I know. To some of them I would like to say a few words (before they read what I have written about them. Heh.).

@ Earl Grey. You’re aces, man. But still a twat.

@ The many supporting characters, including (in no special order) :

Perkiset (heh), KaptainKrayola (heh heh), SEOidiot, cdc, nutballs, Pinkhat, e_d, Con333, IrishWonder, Greenway, 4Eyes, Gurtie, Zet, DutchHarry, Dirtdog1960theoneandonly, flak88, basil, esrun, fantomaster, Bompa, Nop_90, Lucifer, busin3ss, kopking, Zwart, win4, and ’shuffle’, ’scrape’ and ’shuffle’, um some more that I seem to have misplaced……thanks to you all for being who you are when you are who you really are.

**If you notice your character in the story and I gave it the wrong nick, comment on this story, tell all your friends and enemies that I screwed up (again), all will be forgiven.**

If you missed the spoofy leadin for this story, go here
P M Spade Private Blackhat

The novel begins. <insert link here doofus>

Damn. Almost forgot the most important part.

ur all gay